To be back is like trying chocolate for the first time - again

It's been approximately 2 months and 17 days since I last graced this - my - book blog with my presence. Of course during that time, I grew not just physically but mentally and emotionally through the many events I experienced and obstacles I overcame. (A lot can happen in 78 days.)

Like most, I realized how much I wanted to be heard. And that yearning continues to nag at me endlessly.

How incredibly ironic that the reason I went MIA is because I cannot properly express myself. (If you know me, you also know how a lot of my life revolves around juxtaposition.)

I am a writer, though amateur. We live through words and sentences and forming imagery through them.

I can't fully describe what I'm going through. (See? Problems.)

It's not writer's block, or any artistic block for that matter. I just can't be the enthusiastic writing machine I once were. It's not that I don't enjoy writing (this entry is particularly uplifting to do) but it's just...

I can't seem to write the right words.

When I've got an idea in my head that begs to be released, I open MS in my computer or Werdsmith in my iTouch or get a random piece of paper and just write.

But it doesn't fit.

The emotion I'm hoping for isn't there. The prose sucks. It's straightforward and boring. It's absolutely shitty.

Maybe it's my state of mind that's the problem or my collapsing self-esteem. I just don't know. (Been hearing that way more times than I can count, lately.)

I create this (and my personal) blog to write, to express, to share. And so, I'm trying and I will continue to try to be the writer I once was: confident and passionate.

Yes, I am turning over a new leaf (in June, who cares?). I will write more, even if the sentences aren't coherent or the character's too perfect.

And so should you.

Within these past months of MIW (missing in writing), I also realized that the process of writing isn't magic. It's takes a great deal of effort, not just in moving your fingers to type but also in thinking.

You've got to think positive. Cliche but true. The only person who could bring you up and make you forward is you.

The determination has got to start from you. From the inside, the mindset.

Self critiquing is fine. But don't overdo it. (Like what I am now.) There are nearly perfect results but none that are perfect from the start.

Writers, write. It's what we do. Don't let yourself be your own road block to success.